What Kibitz Is All About

Welcome to Kibitz a blog about sex, dating and relationships through the eyes and experiences of two 33 year old women. Our ‘posts’ are merely  conversation starters, you’ll find the real gold in the comments section of each post.
(I),Sarah am in a committed relationship, so I will talk a lot about relationship issues. Shannon is a single, happy go lucky chicka who is out and about, looking for love.
She will be sharing all of her online dating adventures here on Kibits for all to enjoy!

Feel free to comment and join in the discussion or add your own stories, we would love that!

P.s don’t be surprised if you end up with a post dedicated to you, we like to single our favorites out to make them feel appreciated and loved!

Pretty darn sexy, huh?

Pretty darn sexy, huh?

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Tales From The Dating Vault #3

Tales from the dating vault #3

Crazy Lady Over Here

I used to have a profile on Plenty Of Fish, I met a lot of cool people through that site. I also met a few red hot winners (sarcasm).
This is a story about a guy I met years ago (maybe 5) years back.

He was a Para-trooper in the Canadian forces and lived on the CFB base in Edmonton. He messaged me on POF.
His message was nothing special but he was hot as all hell.
There were a bunch of pictures of him jumping from planes and on military exercises.
His face was so sexy and his body was amazing. I have always had a thing for soldiers, so I was all over this.
We sent messages back and forth for about a week and then decided to meet.

I always (90%) of the time bring my best friend with me when I go to meet a guy…

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My Ideal Man: A list of what I want in a man

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Do all girls and women write these kinds of lists? Do just girls and young women write these kind of lists? Am I the only one who still does this? I think maybe I just like to write lists for the sake of writing lists.

I have been writing this list since I was 14 years old, it has changed as the years passed, but the jest has stayed the same.
I have never dated a man that had 100% matched my list, but I have come close.
The guy I am with now, was 98% of my list and look how that has turned out for me. (not bliss).

My perfect man check list

His Looks:

Obviously, first things first. I have to be attracted in a general sense.
I am not into waiting for personalities to make him beautiful in my eyes.
I want to want him, right off the bat.

Tall, I LOVE a tall man. The taller the better.
I like the line backer look, I do not dig a scrony guy.
I also do not like a guy that is too muscular either.

Hair and eye color doesn’t really matter to me.

Nice teeth (if his teeth are nasty, I am out).

I appreciate clean and clear skin.

I also love men with tattoo’s, piercings not so much.

Personality Traits:

1) Honest
2) Loyal
3) Kind
4) Humorous
5) Humble
6) Spontaneous
7) Romantic

Non-smoker- strong moral values- Strong work ethic- Good with money- Not a drug user- Not a daily drinker- Not a gambler- No kids- Never married- Has his own place- Has his own vehicle- Has a good relationship with his family- Must be a common sense genius- No mama’s boys- Very clean physically and around the house Organized- not afraid to talk about his feelings,

He should Like:
This is not a complete list of what I like or enjoy but these things are closest to my heart.
Animals, water (ocean,rivers,lakes), road trips, traveling, trying new restaurants, Camping, fishing, flea markets, garage sailing, spirituality, horseback riding, & Random adventures.

IMMEDIATE DISQUAIFACATION (deal breakers)

*Yuck mouth is a NO GO from as soon as I see it.

*Too charming, the ladies man. If you can’t pay attention to me on our dates cause you are to interested in every other vagina that is in the vicinity, then I don’t want you. If you are checking other women out in front of me, what are you like when I am not around?

*Bad Attitude/personality. If you treat people like shit (like the waitress or the guy at the ticket counter) or you are a judgemental asshole and are constantly criticizing complete strangers. I am not interested.

*If you don’t love animals and don’t see yourself owning horses and dogs then I cant see myself with you.

*If you cant leave Canada for travel, I have just lost interest.

*If you smoke or do drugs, absolute deal breaker.

What do you look for in a man/woman? What turns you away from someone immediately?
Have you written lists like mine before? Did you ever find a partner that matched your list 100%

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What Are Your Relationship Deal Breakers?

When in a relationship most people have their own set ‘deal breakers’. Deal Breakers are Pretty much, what you will not put up with from your partner in a relationship.

Funny thing about people and their deal breakers is how love manages to get in the way of one sticking to them.
Some people swear they would never let a partner physically, mentally or emotionally abuse them or cheat, lie or steal.

But once in the relationship and in love, it seems absurd to leave someone for calling you a ‘fucking bitch or asshole’.
Once the name calling starts in a relationship, (in my experience) it only always gets worse. The names seem to get easier to say, and they get more harsh. The same goes for other forms of abuse.

When is it too much and when do you accept it, forgive and move on with the relationship? Are there really couples out there who ‘fight fair’ i.e.: No names, no yelling, no judging, no blame. Does that exist?

Why do we even bother making standards for ourselves, to protect ourselves, our sanity and happiness, just to let things slide for love and end up miserable anyways? Maybe that is just me who does that.

All I know is the next relationship I enter into, I WILL NOT deviate from my deal breakers. They are important boundaries and should be non-negotiable. I am sorry to myself, for not adhering to standards that I created for my own well being and happiness, resulting in a 15 year string of abusive and unhappy relationships.

The funny thing is, that I know better. I do. I give amazing relationship advice, I should call myself the relationship whisperer (I am that good). But just not for my own life and relationships. (go figure).

I have decided to share my deal breakers with the world.
I am pretty sure they are universal for most everyone.
Tomorrow, I am going to share my romantic partner (what I look for in a man) ‘check list’.

#1) Cheating
I have never let anyone get away with cheating on me and I never will. You cheat, you so much as kiss another woman and you can kiss my ass good-bye.

#2) Lying
This is one that I have let my current boyfriend get away with more than a few times. Although they where small, mostly stupid lies they were still lies. If you lie about tiny, insignificant shit, what else do you lie about? Also, your bull shit omissions and white lies not only hurt my feelings, but they hurt my trust for you as well. I should have ended the relationship as soon as I caught him lying.

#3) Any abuse (mental, physical, emotional or spiritual).
I can’t count the number of times my current boyfriend has called me a cunt, bitch, stupid. I should have ended the relationship the first time he called me a bitch.
I have never stayed with a man who put his hands on me and I never would, but never say never (I guess). Because I stayed through my other deal breakers being snapped in half again and again.

I have stayed while Being unsupported, called names and lied too. All these things hurt just as much as a kick in the face and are all good enough reasons to end a relationship (in my opinion).

So, the next men or man (maybe I will get lucky) I date will be in for a real surprise.
Cause this here woman, will not be putting up with no, nil, none, I mean zero fucking bull shit.

What are your deal breakers? Have you always stuck to them when in a relationship? How far do you let things slide down hill before you walk away?

Tales From The Dating Vault #2

I was on the long trek home after spending 21 days out in the bush working. When I decided that I wanted to make plans for the evening

Now given that I don’t spend a lot of time at home, what with work keeping me pretty isolated, I make my weekend plans using Plenty of Fish. When I logged on I noticed that I had a few new messages, one in particular caught my eye.

From his pictures, he appeared to be good-looking and we shared some common interests. His opening message came across as kind of sweet, so we began to message back and forth.

I did have a few reservations at the time, as he was in his early 20’s and the age difference gave me pause. But he appeared to have a good head on his shoulders.
I agreed to meet him for drinks at Starbucks, later that evening.

This is where things began to go side ways.

He asked if I wanted him to send me a picture and I told him that he did not need to, as I had already seen the ones he had posted to his profile and was content with that.

He seemed slightly put off, so I told him to go ahead and send me one.

Now “the Picture” that he sent me appeared to be a shot from his computer, and was taken in a dark basement with bad lighting. His eyes appeared blood-shot and red rimmed.

So, as you can imagine it left much to be desired. It came across as a bad stoner picture taken in mom’s basement. Being who I am, I didn’t want to just come right out and say “HOLY SHIT!! Does your mom know you are hiding out in her basement in the dark, talking to strangers?”

Instead I replied “That picture isn’t really the most flattering of your photo’s. The ones you have on your profile are much hotter:)”

To say his reaction was staggering would be an understatement.

Oh, his Mother would be so proud of the boy she’s raised, if she only could see what rolls off the lips that kiss her goodnight.

He called me fat, ugly, said my ears were like Dumbo’s…ect. The vitriol that this boy spewed was designed to hit every nerve that women have when it comes to their self image.

I have never been all that self-conscious when it comes to my body, as I am and have always been on the thinner side. My lack of reaction was not at all that he had hoped for and I am assuming drove him mad, not getting a rise from me.
I laughed so hard that I thought I may possibly pee myself.

Earlier in our conversation when I had expressed my concern over our age difference, he had expressed a regard for women who were comfortable with who they were and at a maturity level that he felt was lacking in women his own age.

Now, here he was throwing a fit like a squalling infant.
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I kindly informed him that he may want to work on his anger issues, and that if he couldn’t behave like an adult maybe he needed to go back to dating people his own age.
I then proceeded to ignore all his follow-up messages, as they were filled with negative, spiteful remarks no doubt.

You would think that would be the end of it…..You would be wrong!

A month or so later, I am once again scouring P.O.F looking for someone to hang out with. When I get a message from one of the most B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L men I have ever seen.

We chat back and forth for a while, with me trying to impress with my witty banter.
HE ASKS ME OUT FOR COFFEE!!!

Now at this point I am all aflutter, and need to run to my best-friend for advice.
Sarah, takes one look at the pictures and is like:
“SHIT!, he looks like an Abercrombie & Fitch model.”

Me: “I know right, isn’t he beautiful”

Sarah: “I think he may be WAY out of your league”

Me: “There is no such thing as leagues everyone is attracted to different things!”
*Sticking my tongue out at her*

Sarah: “Be careful this might not really be him, seems WAY to good to be true.”

Now, I am the eternal optimist and have a long running history of believing what I am told.
At least until I am proven wrong.
Naïve is anther term for it, but I prefer optimist.

Me: “He has more than just one picture on his profile….Who would go through all that trouble to get multiple pictures of the same guy for a fake profile?”

Sarah: “Well good luck, hope it works out for you.”

I then proceed to spend a good hour primping and getting done up. All ready to impress him with my cool when we meet up for coffee.

I arrive early at the Starbucks we had agreed to meet at. I grabbed myself an iced latte. I chose a nice table outside. Enjoying the sun as I tried to collect myself, so that I look relaxed and felt at ease when he arrived .
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After a few minutes the phone alerts me to a text. I ecstatically grab my phone to check the message, as I am sure it is my hot date telling me he is almost here.

Text Conversation
“How is your date going?”

Me: “UHHH, who is this?”

Mysterious texter:
“HAHAHA BITCH THIS IS (mean boy)me. My sister and I are sitting in the parking lot watching you, how does it feel to be rejected and humiliated?”

At this point I realized what had happened and I didn’t bother to respond to his texts. A minute later the phone starts to ring, and ring, and ring. After ignoring a couple calls, I answer and he proceeds to tell how he felt it was his responsibility to bring me down a peg and to teach me a lesson.

Apparently by my saying that his photo wasn’t attractive, I had given him the impression that I thought I was better than everyone else. He also seemed to want me to feel humiliated and embarrassed. Hoping that I would be so shamefaced that I would keep this humiliation all to myself and go wallow in self-pity.

Now I am not one to wallow. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach and was embarrassed that I had been played after having gotten my hopes up as high as I did.

I promptly called Sarah to tell her all about it.

Me: “Sooooo… You remember that guy that wrote me all that mean stuff after I said I didn’t like his picture? Well, it was him that arranged the date at Starbucks with me using a fake account and pictures. There was no hotty there.”

Sarah: “HA,HA I TOLD YOU IT WAS FAKE!!! HA,HA” As she proceeds to laugh like a retarded hyena for a good 5 minutes, right in my face.
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Me: “SHUT UP!!!! YOU ARE SUCH A BEOTCH!!”

Sarah then demanded his phone number and said she was going to call him and give him a piece of her mind.
(This is why Sarah is my best friend. She is always right on top of telling off anyone who has hurt my feelings).

After arriving home I was sitting having my coffee and smoke running through the events of the day in my head and looking for clues as to why I seem to fall for everything. Even when warned by Sarah, who so far hasn’t been wrong when it come to this kind of stuff.

(The eternal optimist hard at work)

When my phone rings, it is (mean boy) calling to apologize and clear the air. I am not entirely sure what Sarah said to him, but he said that after talking with her he felt that we should try to leave things in the past and start fresh.

I agreed that I had no hard feelings about it (I am such a liar). I then decided to never talk to him again.
Over the last couple of years he has randomly sent me messages on P.O.F that I have ignored and deleted.
I may be able to forgive BUT I will never forget my encounter with the juvenile.

Travis Fimmel

I first time I saw a poster of Travis Fimmel I was a tween, I strongly suspect that he is the reason that I have a thing for young blond surfers. I imprinted like a baby chick!!!

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At the time I didn’t know who he was. Then in 2003 the show Tarzan aired and I was hooked.

My friend and I would get together once a week to watch him run around shirtless. Making snaky comments about the female lead, who didn’t promptly take full advantage of him as he climbed into her window at night. What person in their right mind would shooo this man out of their house?

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He is the only man that just looking at his pictures can make me melt into a puddle. I could happily spend hours just staring at him…..*wiping drool off my chin*

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Tell us what you think of Travis and who you find totally drool worthy

Show Him Some Romance (women can romance men too)

I think there are a lot of women who don’t think romance in the relationship is their job. I have heard many women complain that their husband or boyfriend is never romantic with them. When I see/hear this, I wonder ‘why don’t you show him what you want then’?

Maybe he is not good (or even worse, clueless) in the romance department. A sensitive, romantic man is kind of a rarity, I think. But you CAN show him, you can teach him about what you like and want.

A man will go out of his way to make the woman he loves feel good about herself and the relationship. I know a lot of women (myself for one) fail to realize that no matter how well your partner knows you, he is not a mind reader. I am guilty of dropping hints and then being disappointed or even angry with him when he doesn’t pick up what I am putting down. You have to tell him or at least show him what you are wanting.

Wouldn’t it be nice if he thought to do all the ‘little’ romantical things for us that we dream of all on his own. But he probably won’t. He is not programmed like that. He is programmed to protect, provide and breed.

Some men do love romance and are great at remembering important dates and creating special moments for the 2 of you on a regular basis and for no particular reason, but that is the exception.

If you crave those kinds of things and require them to be happy, you have to tell him and show him that is what you want.
Don’t be disappointed when he tries and only gets it 50% right by your standards. He probably gave 110% for you.

We always assume the man should surprise us, the man should buy us flowers, the man should remember special occasions, the man should cook us a romantic dinner or rub our feet. But my question is, why can’t women buy their man flowers, or plan their anniversary dinner (since you will remember)?

Why do we put all the romantical eggs in the mans basket?
It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to wine and dine and romance the ever-loving shit out their man.

If you’re not getting the romance and sexy moments that you crave, create them for him. You will no doubt, enjoy your efforts too!

Here are 8 fun, sexy & romantic idea’s to create steamy moments and cherished memories.
Please feel free to share your romantic idea’s in the comments section below, we would love that!
(WARNING: Strong sexual content and language)
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#1)Naked and Spread Eagle

When I was 29 I dated a guy I thought was ‘the one’.
We were so attracted to each other and had the most intense chemistry, we could not keep our hands off one another.

I went to Wal-Mart, a discount shoe store and a few sex stores. I purchased a shiny black pair of high high heels, A crop, a thick beautiful pink boa and candles.

I did my hair and make up. About 20 minutes before I knew he would be home, I striped naked and put on my new shiny black heels and my boa.

I lit a few scented candles and I grabbed my favorite vibrator. I got comfortable on my bed and began to work myself up for him.

When he walked in the house and called for me, I remained silent. He walked into the bedroom and found me legs spread, masturbating in my Shiny heels and my boa draped around my neck.

I don’t think I had ever seen a man undress so fast.
He loved it so much he would even talk about it while we had sex days later. I loved it too.

I was nervous and felt self-conscious while I was waiting for him to discover me in the bedroom, but as soon as I seen the look on his face when he saw me all I felt was good to go.

I did this for him a few times in the 6 months we were together (He was the only guy I ever did this for) but man did he love it.
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#2) Nothing but a trench coat

When I was 27ish (I can’t remember exact age) I was dating a guy that I was crazy about( I am a woman who loves love, I fall easily).

Anyways, It was Saturday night and we had date plans. He picked me up around 7pm and we went for appetizers and drinks at Boston Pizza near my place.

It was summer time and quite warm out, which would have been why he gave me a weird look when I hopped into his mustang wearing a black trench coat and heels. He leaned over and kissed me hello and told me I looked beautiful.

While we were Standing in line waiting to be seated I stood face to face directly in front of him and opened my trench coat enough for him to see that I was completely naked underneath.

“Holy Shit” he coughed out with a HUGE smile on his face.
We shared sexy glances and snickers together while we ate our snackies and sipped our beverages. I felt so badass, naughty and sexy knowing I was naked under my coat in a restaurant packed with strangers.

I tried to eat and drink slowly as possible, I wanted to drive my boyfriend crazy with desire. When we were finished our food and beverages, we paid our tab and left.

As soon as we got out side the restaurant he grabbed me, spun me to face him and said ‘I can not believe you did that, you are the craziest person I have ever met!”

On the drive home we pulled into the L.R.T station parking lot, which was empty and had sex in his car (which was tricky as fuck cause mustangs are small, the shifter kept digging into my leg as well as I kept banging my head off the roof).

Then 2 more times once we got back to my place. He told me that once he knew that I was naked under my coat that he couldn’t think about anything besides having sex with me. He said he kept getting hard in the restaurant and it made him uncomfortable, he said it was a crazy experience-one for ‘the books’. I only ever did that with him.
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#3)Shower him with gifts

I have bought my boyfriends and dates Gifts, flowers, dinner, and teddy bears. Some of my girlfriends (*ehem Shannon) Said that I was lame for it and that guys don’t dig that kind of thing from women. But I didn’t care. It made me feel good to do those things for someone and it seemed like the men I did it for enjoyed and appreciated the gesture and 100% of the time it was reciprocated.
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#4) Support the bromance

This will not sound romantic to many women but I think it is a very caring and romantic idea. Tried, tested and true. I have bought tickets to a sporting event, a manly flick (that I had no interest in seeing) & to a concert for my man and one of his buddies. It shows trust, awesomeness and scores you points with his buddies. Guys need to keep the love alive in their bromances too ladies.
Trust me, this gesture will not go unreciprocated or unappreciated.
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#5) Satisfy both of his appetites

I on more than a few occasions have made a boyfriend his favorite meal, (Lasagna, in this case). I make a mean lasagna so, that was a good start.

I also bought red wine, made a creamy caesar salad and buttery garlic toast to accompany our meal.
I set the table with all the fixings, my nicest dishes, polished silverware and of course candlelight.

When he knocked on the door, I yelled for him to come into the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, I asked him to have a seat at the table. I was wearing nothing but high heels and an apron.

I gave him head while he sat at the table and I even told him to take a picture. After he was sexually satisfied, we enjoyed a wonderful dinner together.

He even cleaned up, put left overs away and did the dishes for me. This has been equally appreciated, exciting, sexy and romantic each time I have done it.
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#6) Rub down

Most men (the men I have dated anyways) have all loved to get a full body massage. I was surprised to learn that 2 of 3 men I had massaged had never received a full body rub down from past girlfriends.

I was more than delighted to be the first. I have given these great massages in a bed, on the floor and in a bathtub. Ask him to completely undress and lie face down on the floor (or where ever).

Light candles (candles always say sexy time to me). Make sure you have some really thick cream or massage oil. I like to get my massage oil from the sex shop. I can’t think of the name at the moment but it smells and tastes wonderful and gets hot when you blow on it.

I start at his head (without oil) and gently rub and massage his scalp and neck. Then work your way down leaving no area of skin untouched. Make sure to give his lower back and his ass a good rubbing too. Rub his feet for at least 5 minutes per foot (don’t tickle him).

Gently ask him to roll towards you now. Get undressed in front of him. Don’t let him touch you. You will massage his front slightly differently than you did his back. Don’t massage his face with your oily hands(lol).

As you work your way down to his feet, do not touch his penis when you get there. Just massage around it. Spend another 5 minutes on each foot. Make your way back up slowly and stop at his member.

He should be hard as a rock, if he was too relaxed he might not be. It’s not a big deal as soon as you being to massage his penis he will get hard.

Decide whether you are going to make this entirely about him and finish him off via massage, fellatio or whether you want to ride him to the finish line.

Either you can easily spend 2-3 totally romantic hours on his massage, foreplay and the finish.
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#7) Sexy, secluded picnic for 2

I once planned a riverside picnic for me and a guy I was seeing. We had snacks, a couple soft blankets and a bottle of wine. The spot I chose was a place that only a handful of people knew about in my hometown.

It was heavily secluded by bush and rock. We had a private riverside spot for 2. We swam, rock jumped and lazed in the sun on our blanket. We also had sex in the river as well as on land.

It was so sexy because even though the chances of someone catching us was slim, there was always still a chance. It also felt so wild and free. That was one of the best days I ever had with a man.

Maybe you don’t have a private river or late spot. That doesn’t matter, as long as you are out doors and out of the public eye, you can have a very romantic day.
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#8) Body dessert.

Not everyone is into this sort of thing. I am. I am so into eating whip cream, ice cream and chocolate sauce of someone else or having it eaten off me.

There is a certain way to eat dessert off another person, you don’t just plop a scoop of ice cream on their dick or stomach and start smooshing it all around as you eat it, No.

You must keep the items in their respective containers and use small amounts. It’s the feeling of the different textures and temperatures of the dessert ingredients that make it sexy and fun.

I would put a small scoop of ice cream in my mouth and a small squirt of chocolate sauce on his penis. I would then with the cold ice cream in my mouth lick up the warm chocolate sauce with my cold tongue. See how that works?

It also feels very interesting (good interesting) to have whip cream eaten from your vagina while he has ice cream in his mouth. Cold lips also feel nice while they kiss and lick warm chocolate from your breasts.

Some people are all concerned about getting sticky and making a mess. They should get over it. You can have a shower afterwards and I’m pretty sure your sheets can go in the washer. Live a little, try something new and have some real sexy fun.

You’re welcome 🙂
Now go my friends and bone, bone like you have never bung before!

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Celebrity Crushes: Choi Jin Hyuk

This one’s for you Jeyna:)

What a sexy piece of Asian beef. Tasty.
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Just look at those lips.
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Choi Jin-hyuk was born Kim Tae-ho on February 9, 1986. He is a South Korean actor and a very sexy man as well as Jeyna’s celebrity crush atm.

Thanks for reading Kibitz and joining in the conversation with us Jeyna!